By Time Out staff, edited by Kate Wertheimer
We're sorry to say it, Angelenos, but you can be real assholes. Whether it's toting your tiny dog around where he has no business being or ignoring traffic laws willy nilly because you're inevitably late for something—this behavior will not stand, man. Read on for the worst ways to act like an ass in LA. Then, you know, don't.
1. Texting while driving. Or walking. Or interacting with any human—especially servers.
2. Not letting other cars turn left in front of you, even though you’re stuck in traffic and not going anywhere.
3. Name-dropping. We don’t care that your cousin’s ex-boyfriend went to the same dry cleaner as Jesse Tyler Ferguson from Modern Family.
4. Parking like a dick. This includes: parking outside the lines, not pulling in far enough, pulling through too far, parking diagonally to protect your precious convertible, taking up two spots instead of one, leaving too much space on the curb… we could go on.
5. Cutting off, whizzing by or in any way intimidating a cyclist while driving your giant, terrifying death machine of a car.
6. Talking drunkenly through an entire Cinespia screening.
7. Watering your lawn into a muddy oblivion during this drought.
8. Tagging rocks at Eaton Canyon, or Joshua Tree… anywhere in nature, really. Just stop.
9. Talking shit about the Valley.
10. Not having an earthquake kit. It’s your funeral, asshole.
11. Conversely: Lecturing people about not having an earthquake kit. It’s their funeral, asshole.
12. Getting blackout drunk at food and wine festivals. We know the ticket was all-inclusive, but that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to act like an asshole.
13. Sneakily reserving a parking space with your garbage bins the night before trash pickup. Or leaving them out for days after.
14. Showing up 15 minutes late for pretty much everything.
15. Not using the right lane in a zipper merge. You think you’re not being an asshole, but actually, you’re being an asshole.
16. Leaving the Dodger game in the 6th inning to beat the rush out of the parking lot, regardless of whether we’re winning or losing.
17. Farting in hot yoga. Hold it in, you asshole.
18. Being a jerk to a fan who is clearly excited to have run into you in public (we’re talking to you, celebrities).
19. ...Or continuously bothering a celebrity that’s clearly just trying to eat their lunch/buy their groceries/walk their dog.
20. Talking on your cell phone while hiking. Extra asshole points for putting it on speaker.
21. Visiting LA and talking about how you don’t like it here and could never, ever live here. Fine then, asshole. Leave.
22. Illegitimately registering your dog as a therapy animal, just so you can take the poor thing into crowded restaurants, bars, movie theaters, and other places a dog would rather not be.
23. Sitting inside your parked car like you’re about to leave while an entire line of cars waits for you to send that goddamn text message.
Whew! Now that we have that out of our system, here are 33 things we're thankful for in LA.