Britain’s Got Talent: the Live Final

Does this big budget British telly contest have the world’s least desirable prize? Being on the bill at the Royal Variety Performance is about as exciting as winning £20 at your local karaoke – but then most of the contestants are more interested in seeing how Cowell’s stiff face reacts to their special ability. Certainly the promise of the latter (rather than any prize) pulls in more than enough acts to fill a series of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’.

This year’s ‘stars’ have either been as good as last year’s (only younger and cuter), better than last year’s but not British, or not good enough for ‘The X-Factor’ but with a sob story niche enough to crease Amanda Holden’s botox. Thank goodness, then, for Ant and Dec’s larking about in the wings which at least provides a light relief. The show’s final promises a night of adorable and/or impressive performances, none of which you’ll remember next weekend.

Could tiny dancers Pre-Skool move their way to the top with their close-to-inappropriate grinding? Or might that little comedian in the wheelchair swing the sympathy vote with his self-deprecation? And what about that teenage rapper in the onesie with the catchy choruses and weak piano skills? They’re all dead cute; we hope they all win.