The parent
Eat Patties, of course. Jamaica’s superior, fiery equivalent to the Cornish pasty is perfect for shoving in the mouth of a whining child.
Pee Try your luck with Westminster Council’s temporary loos, which can be found at 13 different locations. Take our map (p22) with you.
Party There’s always a kid-friendly Disneyland-if-it-was-run-by-The-Clash theme down at ska central, Gaz’s Rockin’ Blues. Bring ear defenders for your little ones as things can get pretty loud.