London’s best alternative Christmas events

If you’re one of those people who adamantly argues that Die Hard is absolutely a ‘Christmas movie’, or simply someone who relishes the opportunity to revisit some classics over the festive period, then you’ll love this festive film season at the BFI Southbank. It features an eclectic programme of movies few would seriously argue are Christmas films, but which all feature at least one scene set during the December holiday period. There’s all sorts on here, from cult queer films like John Waters’ Female Trouble and Sean Baker’s 2015 trans comedy-drama Tangerine to classic gangster hit Goodfellas, the Ryuichi Sakamoto-soundtracked war film Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence, Kubrick thriller Eyes Wide Shut and feel-good period pieces Carol and Little Women. Check out the full programme here. 

One of London’s quirkiest Christmas traditions as well as being one of the oldest, the Peter Pan Cup has been contested on Christmas mornings since 1864. Strictly a spectator event – unless you happen to be a regular, not to mention hardy, member of the Serpentine Swimming Club – the name of the 100-yard swimming race in Hyde Park’s lido derives from the 1904 edition, when author and playwright Sir James Barrie presented the trophy to the winner. The race commences at 9am so head down to watch the brave folk go for it before you start opening your presents.

What’s more Christmassy than visiting Santa’s grotto? Going for a pint or two with the man in red in his favourite boozer, of course. Humbug, an immersive Christmas dive bar, allows you to do just that – and join Mr Claus in rounds of games, sing-a-longs, live performances, storytelling and more. It’s all threaded together with a mission to cheer a weary Santa up and help him rekindle his Christmas spirit. Humbug’s 2024 return will include a shrine to the queen of Christmas Mariah Carey, a beer can bowling alley, a grotto and cabaret from the venue’s regular cast. Saving the festive season never sounded so fun.

If lounging around on Christmas Day and stuffing your face with treats sounds like something that gets in the way of your running streak rather than a dream way to spend a day, the Christmas Day Cracker Run is for you. Head to the outskirts of the city to a course by the Thames where you’ll be able to run for up to seven – yes, seven – hours. The minimum distance you have to complete to take part is 5km, but you can do as much beyond that as you like – up to a 50km ‘ultramarathon’. If you complete one lap (7km), you’ll get to take home a shiny medal and a goody bag full of yummy snacks.

Some people are wary of Christmas for good reason. Others – and this camp could really do us all a favour by giving themselves a stern talking to – bemoan things like ‘the fuss’ and ‘those pesky pine needles that fall off the tree’. Well, even these embattled souls – as well as those more traditionally ga-ga for festive frippery – would find it difficult to withstand the full-bore Beckettian lunacy of Slava’s Snow Show, an experience that doesn't as much blow away the Christmas cobwebs as blast them into cold, deathless oblivion. There are such familiar festive entertainments as balloons, clowns, snow, bubbles, but this is as far away from normal, practiced hogwash of childhoods yore as is imaginable. Bridled anarchy holds sway at every turn, and yet proceedings never trip over into silliness, indulgence or mindless mugging. It’s a swirling, blinding blizzard of joyous, unconfined chaos.

The West End's premier piss artists are taking up residence in Leicester Square Theatre this Christmas, with a musical romp through Dickens' timeless story A Christmas Carol. The casts of Sh!t-faced Shakespeare and Sh!t-faced Showtime will team up to perform a musical tale of Scrooge's festive redemption, with their signature twist: one cast member is genuinely drunk. In true improv tradition, each show is different, and the performers will go along with whatever bonkers plot twists their drunken costar dreams up. 

Find more adult Christmas shows in London

This Australian cabaret extravaganza sounds like it does precisely what you’d expect it to do, being a risque song, dance and stand-up show with a over festive theme. If that’s what you’re in the mood for… this will surely deliver.