Five steps to posting a brilliant Time Out review

It sounds obvious, but conveying whether or not something is worth spending time and/or money on is the most important part of any review. If Time Out has reviewed it, there’s no need to agree with our critic, but if you do disagree, make sure you say why (preferably without calling us names).

Was the salmon a bit dry? Did the bartender give you enough time to browse the cocktail menu? Did Hamlet accidentally do a massive fart during his first monologue? These are the things that’ll make sure fellow Londoners take heed from your experience.

Negative comments are just as welcome as positive ones, but an expletive-ridden tirade won’t lend you the air of someone whose opinion is worth listening to. If you've got beef with the manager of your local pub because they wouldn’t let you hold an impromptu karaoke night on a Tuesday, send them an email directly and deal the problem head on.

Nobody wants to read an essay about the history of the negroni, but then again, ‘this place is kinda okay’ definitely sits the wrong side of useful. Aim for 100+ words, but maybe stop writing when smoke starts coming out of your keyboard.

Your Facebook friends probably don’t care about what you had for brunch, but hungry Time Out readers do. Attaching an image to your write-up may mean it takes a little longer to appear (in the interest of maintaining a genital-free website, we moderate all images) but it’ll make it more likely to be picked out as a featured comment, thereby justifying the fact that your eggs benedict was cold by the time you stopped photographing it and actually ate it.