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[title]What comes to mind when you imagine a ‘sex party’? An elite invite-only orgy in a swanky pad? Maybe a suburban ‘keys in a bowl’ swingers shindig? Or maybe just a common search term on Pornhub? Rarely do people think of creativity, community or a dress code that’s more ‘Blue Peter’ than ‘Betty Blue’. Kinky Salon London is just that.
Yes, people have sex at this arty, sexy party, but it’s more about creating an inclusive, alternative, fun ‘sex positive’ night out than just having a heaving fuckfest. Parties are typically held in warehouse spaces, not Mayfair mansions, and KSL’s guests are bound by a code of conduct they describe as ‘feminist leaning’, where consent is key. But play by the rules and anything goes, as one of KSL’s co-founders Tobias Fauntleroy Slater (pictured) and other team members explain.
Who can come?
‘We welcome people from any race, gender, sexuality, age or disability status. Whatever your sexuality, you’re all welcome. Our community is there to make people feel better about sex and realise that the way they want to be is not wrong. It’s gorgeous, fun and right.’
What should I wear?
‘There’s a silly theme for every party – something imaginative that lends itself to dressing up on a budget, instead of predictable or expensive fetish wear. It levels people – everyone looks equally ridiculous. It’s about laughing at yourself instead of the expectation that you have to be your sexiest self. There are people who like to get really creative. One of our guests suggested that as a spoof of the Western cliché of a naked sushi platter: she could lie there with fish and chips all over her. The best costumes are the ones people put together with Sellotape and bits of paper, though a side effect of Blue Peter-style outfits is that they don’t stay in one piece for very long.’
So is it a sex party?
‘It’s not a sex party, we describe it as an “arty sexy party”. Sex does happens but it’s a by-product. At KSL, you’ll still have a good time even without engaging in the kinky stuff. When we began, there weren’t many places where diverse ranges of people could explore together. There’s more now, but no one has as many activities and a playroom as big and as busy as ours!’
What’s in the playroom?
‘We have two different kinds of play areas – one is kinky with BDSM furniture if you like corporal punishment, tying people up, spanking etc. It’s at the very tame end of things, though no one is going to be physically hurt. Then there’s the main playroom, which is effectively a big, warm, cosy bedroom with around 20 beds. We have fluffy pillows and lots of gloves, lube, condoms and dental dams – the basic ingredients for safer sex. We put that very centrally at the core of the play experience. The term ‘play’ redefines sex as something fun, playful, positive and not to be feared. Sex doesn’t need to be dark and done to industrial music!’
Can I come alone?
‘We use something called the ‘PAL’ system (Pervy Activity Liason). Everyone comes with a friend so no one is walking around unaccounted for. You can be relatives, lovers or just buddies, but you have to be familiar enough to take responsibility for each other. ‘PAL’ is not a euphemism for couple.’
Am I allowed to just watch?
‘There is no lingering unaccompanied in the playroom. You’re allowed to enter alone but we don’t encourage people to stand and watch – unless someone gives permission! KSL is about experiences that happen consensually with groups of people, whether that’s two or three or four or more. That can be very fluid. We don’t say this is a club just for queer, straight or bi-curious – it’s for everyone, whatever your sexuality.’
Can I bring my own toys along?
‘Yes, you’re welcome to bring toys. Some people bring strap-ons, rope or vibrators. Others might bring board games or Twister. There’s nothing – as long as it’s legal – that’s not allowed.’
Who clears up at the end?
‘Well, the party is about respect, and that includes respecting the place as well as the people; throwing things away which could become sticky squishy surprises. A kind of leave-no-trace attitude. This is a community thing, not a product that people are just paying for. It’s not the sort of show where you pay the money and sit back – you are part of this.’
Register for details of upcoming Kinky Salon nights at www.kinkysalon.co.uk.