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Do: Abort the conversation if the following pop up: ‘Do you actually know anyone who got really ill?’; ‘I prefer to do my own research’; ‘Let’s go round and say what our biggest rule-break was. I’ll go first…’
Don’t: Smirk when asked about which TV you watched during lockdown and say that you ‘mostly streamed experimental theatre and maybe, like, a bit of spoken word’. You’re lying.
Do: Read the room before you make any dark Covid jokes. Acceptable ‘relatable’ topics include post-stage-3 shags, that big boat that got stuck and ranking your riskiest nature wees of 2020.
Don’t: Get drunk and make unrealistic and expensive plans with your mates. Tomorrow you can decide whether you’re really going to Alton Towers or Airbnb-ing an entire castle in Scotland.
Do: Properly check in with people. Ask open-ended questions about how they’re coping, even if ‘WAP’ comes on and you’re being frantically summoned to the dancefloor.
Don’t: Allow yourself to be alone even for a few minutes with that ex you broke up with at the start of lockdown for very valid reasons. Yes, you’re thirsty – but it’s just not worth it.
Do: Congratulate them for making it through! Even if they’re the got-engaged, adopted-a-puppy, bought-a-house-in-Nunhead level of insufferable, they struggled too. Let’s celebrate our collective resilience, eh?
Don’t: Ask what people did for Christmas. You risk watching their eyes glaze over as they’re plagued by flashbacks of scrapping with a shopper over the last M&S Roast Turkey Meal for One.
Do: Check with people before hugging them. Yeah, it’s awkward – but lean into that! Not everyone is back on the physical-touch train. Also, maybe you’ve got the over-eager wide-eyed look of someone who wants that hug too much, and it’s off-putting.
Don’t: Glare at people having fun, while muttering darkly about how ‘the next wave can’t come soon enough’. No one needs that right now.
The new rules of being on public transport in 2021.
How to eat and drink out in post-pandemic London.