Overheard in London: this week’s #wordonthestreet

‘Your personal brand is pâté.’

‘Which came first: cola or Coca-Cola?’

‘On days when it’s sunny, I’ll cycle. On days when it’s raining, I’ll masturbate.’

‘Imagine being a tortoise.’

‘I feel like life is just moving things around the fridge.’

‘I get a bit disorientated by a spatchcocked chicken.’

‘Honestly, kids are overrated. You should just get succulents.’

‘Rightmove is the married man’s Tinder.’

‘Oh there’s Waltham Abbey – that’s where the Battle of Hastings happened.’

‘Who would you rather shag – Gollum or Dobby the house-elf?’

Every week you share the weird things you’ve overheard in London. Above, a few perplexing snippets from the past seven days – tweet us yours using #wordonthestreet and @timeoutlondon.