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Was your sex education class about as useful as a condom on a banana? Get some long overdue tips at these adults-only events.
Make your own erotic film
Fill Valentine’s Day with all kinds of kink at a DIY Porn session with sexual liberties campaigner Pandora Blake, who’ll be dishing the dirt on how to make blue movies in the comfort of your own home. Pandora is a proud queer pornographer and owns the fetish site Dreams of Spanking, so they've got plenty of tips on how shot-at-home porn can be safe, inclusive and fun. Porn will be screened, so it’s 18+. And remember: safe words aren’t just for BDSM. If you’re saving ‘home movies’ on your laptop, choose good passwords. DIY Porn Workshop. The Book Club. Old St tube. Wed Feb 14. £12. Online tickets are sold out but some will be available on the door.
Expand your V-knowledge
Londoner Florence Schechter is trying to demystify the female anatomy by launching the world’s first Vagina Museum. Until the big opening, you can swot up on pussy science, history and culture at a ‘V-Day’ panel talk. Florence will be joined by sex educator Alix Fox, historian/Whores of Yore founder Kate Lister, and more. Bonus: you’ll hear the word ‘cunt’ echo through The Royal Institution. Valentine’s Day Vaginas. The Royal Institution. Green Park tube. Wed Feb 14. £16, £10 concs.
Mind the orgasm gap
Climax inequality is real, and it’s time to bring this O-imbalance to an end. If the Netherlands is anything to go by (where 75 percent of women do not orgasm during sex, according to a Durex study), straight ladies are drawing the short straw when it comes to the crescendo, but hopefully not after tonight. A sex educator, a sex worker, an academic researcher and a journalist will gather at the Book Club this evening for a debate on orgasm inequality, organised by sex-positive zine Sex+. Time to reclaim the ‘nice guys finish last’ quote from all those pick-up artists and make it a goddamn sex motto. Sex+ Presents: The Orgasm Gap. The Book Club. Old St tube. Tue Feb 13. £10.
Get some new toys
Yes, we know you can order all the sex toys you want in the glow of your Google Incognito browser, but what’s the point in having a Hot Octopuss Pulse III or Tantus harness if you don’t know how to use it? Enlist the help of The Pleasure Garden (a south London sex shop) instead, which runs eye-opening workshops on how to put its stock to good use. You’ll learn about the best toys for the four ‘Ps’: Power (vibrators), Penetration (dildos, anal toys), Penises (there’s that Hot Octopuss Pulse III) and Position (bondage/sensation play). Their online business is female-friendly, and all about inclusivity, so there’s no creeping behind PVC curtains. You can arrange groups for eight to ten people at a venue of your choice. They’ve got plenty for pegging too, if you want to bump it up to five Ps. Various venues. £85 for eight to ten people, but the cost is refunded if over £250 of sales are made. Email: info@pleasuregardenshop.co.uk.
Go on a sexy London run
Secret London Runs organises group jogs on just about every theme you can think of: gin, street art, feminism, and now, London’s sexy, sexy history. Take an X-rated 10km tour through the capital to hear stories about ancient sex toys, disastrous bondage sessions and Colonel Condom, the supposed inventor of the first johnnie, made from dried lamb intestine. You can set your own pace (barely jogging, or show-off sprinting) and take in each scandal while you sweat. Will you learn anything to improve your own bed artistry? Probably not, but you will get a glass of finishing prosecco after a pretty racy day. You’ll leave out-of-breath, red-faced and overloaded with new information. Sounds familiar. Sex in the City, Secret London Runs. Meet at Cock Lane. St Paul’s tube. Wed Feb 14 and Thu Feb 15. Times vary depending on chosen speed. £25, book online.
Have a sex-clusive evening
Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium, east London’s feminist sex shop, will be celebrating Valentine’s Day with a cosy in-store workshop. Five couples can ease themselves into kink with Sh!’s 90-minute interactive class and experiment with blindfolding, restraining, soft sensation games, floggers and hot wax play. The pairs will be taught the importance of communication in kink exploration. It’s open to couples of all genders, and instructors avoid specific pronouns. Everyone in the class will be fully clothed, though, so put your pants back on. Kinky Cupid’s Class. Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium. Hoxton Overground. Wed Feb 14. £120 per couple. Entry includes a gift of satin bondage ties and a glass of prosecco.
Take notes at an X-rated reading...
Not pushed about porn, but happy to read Playboy for more than the interviews? Then you might enjoy Baron and Baroness magazines, the erotic journals for ‘gentlemen and ladies’ filled with upper-classy, Mapplethorpe-esque visuals. The mag founders will be bringing their cigarette-holder-licking smut to the absurdly fancy Punch Room cocktail bar tonight for the Valentine Erotic Readings. Expect some filthy storytelling from excitable performers like artist Oriana Fox and musician Gina Birch. Join the cliterati. The Valentine Erotic Readings. The London Edition hotel. Oxford Circus tube. Tue Feb 13. £10. Entry price includes a Love Punch cocktail.
...Or go to an X-rated screening
For the more visual punters, February 14 sees the return of The Paradiso Cinema, an evening of erotica championing films exploring sex and sexuality. This basement screening is again run by Baron and Baroness. But these are no back seat Soho skin flicks, it’s all ‘highbrow’ sex cinema on offer, so leave your mac and wet wipes at home. That said, there will be a well-stocked pop-up sex shop on site. The Paradiso Cinema. The London Edition hotel. Oxford Circus tube. Wed Feb 14. £10. Entry price includes an aphrodisiac cocktail.
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