Six things you'll learn from the weird video clips at Found Footage Festival

‘Sure, you’d love to get rid of the toxic mucus in your mouth that is going to kill you, but how the heck do you do it? Rest assured, Arthur Bloom, the guest of a public access show called “Something’s Happening!” has the answer. All you need is some grape juice, a spray bottle, a coffee filter, a cement block, and a blowtorch.’

‘Forget about actual human interaction, the key to being less lonely is bringing a virtual friend into your home and onto your VCR. In “Rent-A-Friend”, a home-video release from 1987, a man called Sam appears onscreen and asks you questions like, “Where are you from?” then leaves a pause so you can answer your TV screen. But buckle up, because like real friends, Sam has a host of odd quirks he’ll reveal as well. That’s the price you pay for VHS companionship.’

‘You’ll see way too much skin in Angela Lansbury’s 1990 exercise video, “Positive Moves”, which is less of a workout tape and more of a New Age-y manifesto by the “Murder She Wrote” star. See her prance through her living room, luxuriate in a sensual bath and even have a nap! It’s Jessica Fletcher as you’ve never seen her before. Or wanted to, for that matter.’

‘The title of professional pool player Pretty Boy Floyd’s instructional video, “Secrets of Pool Hustling,” is a bit misleading. The self-aggrandising Floyd spends 45 minutes spouting off his opinions about sandwiches, alcoholism, trophies (spoiler: he doesn’t like them), and an imaginary person called “Ed”, but forgets to teach you any secrets about pool hustling. Trust us, with this video, it’s about the journey not the destination.’

‘You will fall in love with Bargain Bernie, the dishevelled and affable pitch-man for a local furniture store in Corpus Christi, Texas. This raw footage from a series of late-’80s TV commercials shows Bernie struggling to deliver his catchphrase, “All I want to do is save you money!” while bringing his family into the fold to shill for bedroom sets. We can’t reveal exactly how you’ll get two waterbeds (every bachelor’s dream!) for the price of one, but it involves Bargain Bernie dropping his pants.’

‘It might sound like a euphemism, but massaging your possum is serious business for Georgina Spelvin, an older woman in a pink jumpsuit who takes you through the finer points of marsupial rubdowns. If you’ve got a pet possum, are thinking of getting a possum, or just want to see a possum get massaged by a lady, get to the Found Footage Festival immediately.’