Meet the Londoners who swiped right for ‘friend dating’

‘It’s quite hard to form long-lasting adult friendships, but it’s really important to do,’ says Charlotte Pratt, 29, who moved to London in 2020 from Manchester. 

When Charlotte’s best friend moved to Australia last year, she found herself at a loss, feeling lonely and isolated in the city. But lo and behold, now she’s strutting around the capital, doing brunches, Sunday roasts, walks, clubbing, pub crawling and ticking off touristy stuff – all with new local girlfriends she found on the friendship equivalent of Tinder.

More and more women in the capital are turning to ‘friend dating’ apps and groups to seek out new friendships. Charlotte turned to Stockholm-based app, Gofrendly, which looks to connect women with nearby to-be friends. ‘We saw such a big city where people are living in one area, working in another, or working remotely, and struggling to connect with like-minded people,’ says Claudia Gard, co-founder and COO. ‘It was as if the natural social settings were missing for people.’

Recent data on loneliness in Britain from the Office for National Statistics, shows that women, especially under 30, are significantly more likely to be chronically lonely than men. Moreover, 52 percent of women in the UK reported that they find making new friends difficult. It turns out Dolly Alderton set the bar too high for having a ‘girl gang’ and maintaining modern friendships – in reality, finding your tribe isn’t as easy as it seems. 

52% of British women find making new friends difficult

That’s why friend-oriented dating apps and online communities such as Gofrendly, Bumble BFF and London Lonely Girl club are soaring in popularity – and are especially valuable for women who are starting fresh in the city, leaving behind their hometowns and existing support networks. But is this friend-finding tech actually an effective solution to the capital’s loneliness problem? Or is it set to be just as cursed as using ‘the apps’ to find love?

The big city

‘In recent years, I’ve realised that to make friends, you just have to make it clear that you want to be friends with them by asking to hang out,’ says Charlotte, who made her new London best friend through Gofrendly app in March. ‘I think you’ve just gotta let go of the fear of rejection and realise that you're all on the app for a reason.’

Her new mate just moved to London from Belgium. ‘Like me, she’s big into astrology and star signs,’ Charlotte says. ‘We’re both Leos so our first conversation was really opening up about so much stuff we had in common.’ They went for brunch the first time they met, before ticking off London landmarks, pretending to be tourists and eating charcuterie and drinking wine at Gordon’s. ‘We spent the whole day, from 10am to 11pm, exploring and bonding,’ says Charlotte.

Part of the appeal of these apps is that they largely cater towards people who have recently moved to London, often helping them to connect over exploring the city together. But that’s not always the case. Tasha, a 34-year-old psychotherapist, found herself feeling isolated when she moved to the south despite growing up in east London. 

Our favourite story is about women who met and decided to climb Kilimanjaro together

‘I was really missing feminine energy in my life,’ she says. ‘London’s very territorial and so when I moved to south London I didn’t really have many friends other than people I was living with.’ Then, she met someone on Bumble BFF. ‘She was my age, with similar values, [similar] personality and shared my Caribbean cultural background,’ Tasha says. ‘We both love food so we went to have dinner at ’O Ver in Borough. I remember having some amazing nduja pasta. She was one of the first people that I told when I got engaged. So yes, it was kind of a real closeness. It felt like a sister vibe.’ 

These apps can save you from feeling even lonelier if you’re from a marginalised group in a new area. As a therapist, Tasha recommends friend dating apps and groups to her clients who have a part of their identity that they’re still trying to explore, but their current friendships don’t necessarily connect with those parts. ‘So whether it’s their queerness, navigating immigrant experiences, or being a black British woman, like it was for me – looking for friendships that might resonate with that same lived experience can make you feel validated and learn more about what it means for you,’ says Tasha.

You’ve got a friend

While some people go out for coffee with their newly matched bestie, others might step more outside of their comfort zone. ‘Our favourite story is about women who met each other and decided to climb Kilimanjaro together,’ says Ulrika, co-founder and CEO of Gofrendly. 

Holly Cooke, the founder of The Lonely Girls Club, found herself feeling extremely lonely after moving to London on her own five years ago. She started the online group to help women make friends by attending ticketed meet-up events in person, like brunches, friendship speed dating and book swaps. ‘Everyone comes along solo and are looking to connect and meet new people to start building lovely friendships with,’ says Holly. There are now more than 56,000 members in their London Facebook group, plus groups in other UK cities like Manchester and Nottingham. 

Perhaps part of the reason that these online communities do so well is that with friendship, you know you’re both in it for the same reasons. Charlotte noted a refreshing difference from dating apps: ‘With friend dating apps, there’s way less pressure. Sure, there’s a possibility of rejection, but if a girl is engaging in a conversation with me on the app, she’s probably interested in friendship.’ Whereas, Tasha noticed that a lot of introverted women are drawn to these apps because ‘it takes away the scariness of how to approach someone in person.’

That’s not to say it’s not daunting at all. Jasmine Wong Denike, 30, moved from Toronto to London for her master’s degree. After struggling to connect with her classmates, she turned to online platforms like the Facebook group London New Girl to make friends. With thousands of members, she found navigating these groups quite daunting – you might find yourself wondering where to begin and could be met with a flood of responses from people looking hang out – but also ‘beautiful, as no one is trying to get anything out of each other’. 

After our conversation, she asks: ‘Would you be free to meet for coffee sometime next week?’ All it takes is to ask, after all.