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Nathan James Page
1. The art graduate
Poppy used to think about stuff like post-structuralist gender theory. That was when she was a student. These days, she thinks more about how many meals you can get out of a can of chickpeas and a parmesan rind. She thinks about working on her latest piece, a collage made from her housing benefit correspondence from Hackney Council – but she’s run out of Pritt Stick, and that stuff ’s expensive. She then thinks about the £50,000 she owes the Student Loans Company – and decides that all this thinking isn’t such a good idea. Still. At least it doesn’t cost anything.
2. The ladder-climber
Nick has big design ambitions. Like, not-even-in-ultra-hip- designer-Thomas-Heatherwick’s- stickiest-dreams kind of big. And he thought this internship at Twiddlr – a ‘start-up entrepreneurial incubator’ in Clerkenwell – would be the ideal place to network, make some contacts and suchlike. But all he’s achieved in the past six months is a talent for unblocking the tubes in the office Nespresso machine in less than 15 seconds. That’s one thing Thomas Heatherwick’s never done, he thinks. Well, probably.
Nathan James Page
3. The scenester
Rory never actually studied anything creative per se. He spent three months doing a business degree before realising that education was just a load of bollocks the Tories invented in the ’80s. Much better to just get out there in the real world and soak up the cultural scene of his south London stamping ground. Between shifts at the café, Rory’s currently collaborating with his ketamine dealer on an animation composed of cat gifs and images of Lidl products. Seminal shit.
4. The fashionista
Artemisia designs clothes and models them on her blog, which makes her something of a modern-day polymath. Referencing a wide range of historical sources (every B*Witched music video made between 1997 and 1998), she vibes them out into what she calls the ‘sports sket’ look. She’s got more than 200,000 followers on Instagram, and she’s in talks with Adidas for an autumn/winter collection. Her biggest challenge? Fitting it all around her GCSE revision.
Nathan James Page
5. The foodie
Cynthia and Roger never expected to raise £10,000 with their Kickstarter campaign. But they did, and now they’ve got to turn a derelict garage in Homerton into a pop-up immersive dining experience whose nine courses are each based around a circle of hell from Dante’s ‘Inferno’. Providing the pheasant confit sets properly, it promises to be a multi-sensory extravaganza that will revolutionise dining as we know it. It’s not just another supperclub. It’s definitely not just another supperclub.
By Matt Breen, who left the art world to become a journalist. Nobody noticed.
Take a look at the top five things you forgot to do this winter.
Illustrations: Nathan James Page