Nigel Farage wants to turn Londoners against the EU by making traffic worse

There have been some pretty dumb things said and done over Brexit. But the daftest thing yet? Nigel Farage's latest plan. Ol' Nige has decided that the best way to convince us Londoners that we should erect a massive wall to prevent the stinky waft of Camembert coming over here from France (or whatever he's arguing – I'll be honest, I don't pay him a lot of attention) is to send 35 fishing trawlers up the Thames tomorrow afternoon to show that 'we want our waters back'. Which means that Tower Bridge is going to have to be opened. And, according to the City of London Corporation (who are in charge of opening the bridge) this means one thing: traffic delays. In their words in today's Evening Standard: 'there is a high degree of concern at the large amount of traffic disruption this will cause.'

Nice one, Nige! Obviously, if there's one thing that is absolutely guaranteed to win Londoners over to your cause it's adding extra time into a road-based journey through central London during the daytime. After all, it's not like it's already so painfully slow that it'd be more enjoyable to hammer cocktail sticks into your eyeballs. So, as Tower Bridge opens in time to allow Farage's Boat Boys to reach Parliament at 12.30pm, expect whole busloads of Londoners to take to Twitter to celebrate the man who decided to slow them down so that they envy the speed of passing grannies on zimmer frames. No doubt we will all race along the river to hoist him aloft and chant: 'We love you Nigel Farage! We think you're so clever and wise! And we don't even slightly want to punch you in your stupid face!' 

Or you know: THE EXACT OPPOSITE.