Londoners reveal what they’d like to say to the last person they slept with

We asked you: what message do you have for the last person you bedded? Here’s what you had to say for yourselves…

‘Your beard smells of barbecue sauce.’

‘Act cool at work tomorrow.’

‘Saying “Where’s my dick?” doesn’t count as dirty talk.’

‘My vagina has been in a constant state of despair ever since.’

‘You are now referred to as the Fulham Fuckboy.’

‘Your consistent lack of interest in my clitoris is very impressive in this day and age. Bravo.’

‘When I said your willy was so pale and sickly looking that I thought it was coming down with a virus, what I actually meant was I’ve been in love with you for six years and I was really pleased to see you naked.’

‘I only had sex with you to pass the time before the takeaway arrived.’

Now gasp as Londoners reveal their unacceptable breaches of London etiquette.