16 lies that keep London going

We're a big city, okay? If everyone went around being honest the whole time, pandemonium would break out. So sometimes, we all tell little white lies. And massive, bald-faced lies. And whopping, great, unbelievably deceitful lies. And… actually, we'll stop now. Here's our list of the ultimate lies that keep London running. 

© Matthew G

 1. ‘I’ll definitely try to make it to your house party!’

2. ‘Be there in five minutes, my bus is stuck in traffic.’

3. ‘So what if you’ve moved to Leyton? I’ll still visit you just as much!’

4. ‘If we throw a few million quid at it, people will definitely start calling it “Midtown”.’ 

© Sean Batten

 5. ‘£4.50 for a warm tinny of Red Stripe? That my friend, is a bargain.’ 

6. ‘Of course we didn’t meet on Tinder. We met in a bar.’

7. ‘I definitely, definitely won’t run for election as an MP at the same time as being Mayor.’

8. ‘If I keep an eye on my spending, I guess I can afford it…’

© John Campbell

 9. ‘I didn’t hang up on you. My phone signal died when I went into the tube station.’

10. ‘Seriously: tonight I’m going to bed early.’

11. ‘I swear, when I go on holiday I’m nowhere near as annoying as the tourists you get in London.’

12. ‘Don’t worry, Mr Landlord. None of us have a pet and we most certainly don’t smoke.’

© Carmella Fernando

13. ‘Next Northern line train: 1 min.’

14. ‘By signing here, I agree that I have definitely not skipped past these millions of pointless terms and conditions.’

15. ‘I moved to Dalston/Peckham/Walthamstow before it was cool.’ 

16. ‘Hitler only had one ball, the other is in the Albert Hall…’ (It isn’t in there, we checked)

Guilty of any of the above? Here are 28 ways you know you're a true Londoner.