1. The diehard Israeli fan
These concert-goers are a thing of beauty. It does not matter how broken their English is, from the first chord Thom Yorke plays down to the very last encore-inspired claps, these Israeli groupies know their stuff. As if by some occult happening beyond their control, they can – and will – recite every lyric of even Radiohead's most obscure songs, like "15 Step" and "Faust Arp."
PRO: It's great to have them around for your daily dose of random facts about the bassist Jonny Greenwood.
CON: You'll have to wait around an extra 2-3 hours after the show in the hopes of meeting the artists backstage. Bring a good book and hunker down.
2. The Snapchatter
First there were Polaroids. Then came Nikons. Now, we've come face-to-face or dog-ear-filter-to-dog-ear-filter with the most fleeting form of photography there is: Snapchat. "Hold on! Keep that joint in your mouth and pretend you're Axl Rose, I've got to snap this." "Beiber is singing 'Sorry?' I've got to capture this in a nine second video and send it to my friends so that we can all see it once then lose the moment forever." Now that's how you capture memories that'll last a lifetime.
3. The lost puppy
Whether they wandered off in a drunken state of euphoria, suddenly got some liquid confidence and felt this pressing urge to crowd surf towards the front of the stage or simply got lost in their Snapchat story, the lost puppies will come away from the Regina Spektor concert saying, "it was the best of times [when I met all these awesome new friends who took me under their wing and smoked me up], it was the worst of times [when I also lost those friends and it took me three hours to walk home through the shady palm trees that line Park HaYarkon]." Don't worry Buddy, you'll make it home eventually.
4. The "PDA-all-day" couple
We get it, you two are together, you don't have to stick your tongue down her throat or stroke his...hair obviously, to mark your territory. Plus, you're missing the entire show. It's disrespectful to the musicians. Plus, I'm sure if he saw you, Thom Yorke would give you the finger.
5. The well-seasoned veteran
This ain't their first rodeo, and it definitely ain't their last, either. These Park HaYarkon know-it-alls have all the necessary tools and materials to survive the evening...and probably a Zombie apocalypse. They've come equipped with blankets, water bottles, weed, snacks, sweaters, backpacks, duct tape, a wrench, a condom, a trash bag, a trash can, light bulb, crayons, pens, rocks, a banana, two safety pins, and Roger Waters. No more T.P. in the porta potties? No problem, they've brought a 12-pack...and it's two-ply. The one thing they did forgot – their sanity.
By Jennifer Greenberg, who attended her first Park HaYarkon concert last night.
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