As we learnt from our speed dating article, being single ain’t all sunshine and lollypops (or free meals and multiple orgasms to be politically correct). It’s a mad world out there, especially for those lone wanderers still looking for Mr. Right (or as the wise Carrie Bradshaw once put it: Mr. Big). Here are a handful of reasons why it sucks to be single in the White City.
1. A sloppy one-night stand with the cute boy from Jerusalem turns into a weekend-long event (since buses don’t run on Shabbat and he’d rather “spend time with you” than brave a sweaty, over-stuffed sherut ride back).
2. The third date qualifies as an appropriate time to meet your date’s parents over a family Shabbat dinner (second if they really like you).
3. Hearing about the incredible apartment your married friends are looking at in the city center — one they can actually afford because they're splitting rent — while you’re paying double for a studio in HaKerem. You thought rent was expensive in Manhattan?
4. Because Tel Aviv is small, you keep bumping into your exes, only to find out that each of them has recently gotten engaged. There’s a reason you blocked them all on Facebook.
5. There is always some beautiful bride-and-groom combination taking wedding photos on the beach at sunset. All you want to do is go for an evening run without being reminded of just how dreadfully single you are.
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6. Netflix recently got a new feature that not only suggests movies, but also notes the percentage of how much you’ll enjoy each suggestion. Your Netflix account suggests every sappy romcom from the 90s…at a steady 98% match rate.
7. Getting a +1 invitation to a party has become more hassle than honor.
8. You miss that magical buffer between you and the Israeli guys hitting on anything with legs at the local bar.
9. Summer festivals in Israel are pretty much one big couples' orgy: Pashut, Pride, Midburn, Open House (okay, maybe not this last one, but the suggestive title is misleading).
10. A ‘Stride of Pride’ usually involves bumping into at least three people you know, downgrading the experience to a ‘Walk of Shame’ (play it cool, avert your eyes and pretend you're invisible).
11. When that one person you ghosted suddenly pops up everywhere in your neighborhood – Tiv Tam, local café, your office, street corner, front door (ok maybe they're stalking you somewhat, but at least it’s gentle).
12. You have started to develop tendinitis from swiping right with such conviction.
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13. The familial pressure is much higher to find a "nice Jewish husband or wife"...so are the pressures to not become a crazy cat lady.
14. On that note, owning too many cats has never been sadder.
15. Not having a significant other to put your name in at Port Said while you spend hours finding a place to lock your bike.
16. Restaurants designed for sharing plates are just plain awkward when you're the only single person in a group full of couples.
17. And the whole cauliflower at Miznon feels like Mount Everest…but you order it anyways and drown it in overly salted tehina, or maybe those are just tears you taste.
18. Ogling the glass of every designer wedding dress boutique and wondering if you’ll ever get to buy one of your own...then feeling embarrassed for even looking because you're so goddamn single.
19. A bottle of wine at sunset on Gordon Beach goes from a romantic first date to a one-woman show.
20. If you’re a straight heterosexual monogamist in Tel Aviv...good luck finding anyone.
21. Going to see a movie involves being sandwiched between two couples more in-love with PDAs than each other. On the up side, if you come early, you'll most likely get an empty seat beside you for your popcorn.
Then again, being in a relationship in Tel Aviv also has its struggles...
Check out 7 Israeli struggles that are actually blessings in disguise.