14 kinds of social distancers in Hong Kong

"We're busy and productive, and we want to tell the whole world about it (or at least my 200 friends on Facebook)," seems to be the instant stay-at-home mantra of many. From baking the latest cookie recipe, to cooking the healthiest meal they’ve ever made in their lives, to showcasing the 100 plus (and counting) push-ups they can do in a day, some of us just have to post it for everyone to see. These social distancers tend to actually create a step-by-step guide for people in their circle to copy. Who knows, they can probably change careers when everything blows over.

While people are working on their rock-hard abs, some people have recently made it their life's mission to shed light in order to motivate others during these trying times. Meet the life coach; he/she will spread awareness on how to keep a sound mind and engage his/her friends with uplifting quotes to brighten their spirits. 

Since our favourite bars in the city are temporarily closed, more and more people have turned to their kitchens to mix their own cocktails. And of course, they will not forget to snap a photo for the 'gram to get everyone thirsty on their feed. Some would even go out of their way to share a live 'how-to' guide on their best home negroni, margarita, or daiquiri complete with garnishes. 

Because wearing masks has been one of Hong Kong's best practices to combat the virus, you'll always have that one friend who knows everything there is to know about masks and where to get supplies. This person can recite which brand can filter particles from 0.1 to 5 microns and explain BFE, PFE, VFE, ASTM acronyms without batting an eyelash.

This person is the reason the grocery stores have been running out of sanitisers, tissues, and rice sacks! But don’t worry we understand, because when everything goes to sh*t, at least they’ve got supplies to hole up in their apartment for decades to come. 

FaceTime, Zoom, Hangout, Netflix Party, you name it, and this social distancer has it all on their laptop and phone. Always on – their schedules are filled with video conferences and dress-up parties with their friends. Try giving them a call, and they’ll answer as quickly as a lightning bolt.

Swiping right is their religion. It doesn't matter if he/she can't meet in person, for now, they’re keeping their options open, and dating online to endure their new lonely normal. At least when it's finally safe to meet, they’ll have a lot of options to consider. 

If this social distancer could take a bath in 70 percent alcohol daily to ward off the virus, they would. From sanitisers, disinfectants, eco-cleaning products, bleach, and anti-bacs, they have them all in the cabinet. This person’s days are taken up by vacuuming the living room, dusting the curtains, unclogging the drain, washing clothes, and disinfecting shoes. Knock on their door, and they’ll probably spray you with Lysol. 

Because surely, the end is near, and before the rapture, this person promises to become a better man. He is using his stay-at-home time to plan for his lifestyle changes, how he will treat people better, and be more socially and environmentally conscious with his every move. 

The productive Ms Lucy. She has already read her paperbacks at home, learned all her favourite languages on Duolingo, and is about to embark on her journey to sign up to all the free classes she can find online – all this while cleaning every inch of her tiny studio apartment. She is just better than all of us combined. 

Because you can never be too informed about the outbreak, this person will send you every link they can find about the current crisis and will share on social a daily updated list of high-risk areas to avoid in the city. Their home screen has a quick link to the Worldometer of positive cases, and they’ll probably be the first one to tell you about new social distancing restrictions in the city. 

Because achieving happiness is as easy as clicking and buying stuff online. From the moment this social distancer wakes up until the moment they go to bed, Taobao is their faithful companion. They’ve already bought their next winter ensemble and bought their family's future Christmas gifts. The thrill of finding the latest deals gives them joy while staying at home.

What social distancing? It’s already the veteran loner’s regular routine. Look closely, and you’ll find that they’re currently using this sweet, sweet time to hibernate and recharge. Besides, there are a million and one movies they need to catch up on online.  

Because they're too cool for the virus, they don't wear a mask because – hello! – they're invincible and couldn't care less about the social distancing restrictions. This person hikes with friends and casually drops by the beach even during the height of the outbreak. They're also the first one to complain during the announcement of venue closures in the city. If they do catch the virus, well, 'que sera sera'.