As everyone in this city knows, Glasgow the friendliest place in the world. Often overshadowed as a holiday destination by other, more boring places (coughEdinburghcough), visitors to Glasgow will almost always be welcomed with open arms. Having moved here from London five years ago, I now truly feel I'm part of the city - and I've learned the hard way that there are several sure-fire methods of rubbing up a Glaswegian the wrong way. From me to you, here's a little cheat sheet of how not to act when visiting this glorious city.
DON'T...
... tell Glaswegians they have a funny accent
Stop the presses - Glaswegians don’t sound like people who aren’t from Glasgow! The thing is, when you visit here, you’re the one with the novelty accent. Worse than pointing out to a Glaswegian that their accent is ‘strong’ or ‘funny’ though is the notoriously hated tourist phrase: ‘you sound sooo Scottish!’ So, before you follow your gut urge to comment on the way Glaswegians speak, take a minute to imagine someone saying the exact same thing to you, and quickly think of something else to say. Just as long as you don’t...
... ask where to get a deep fried Mars Bar
Photo: Christian Cable via Flickr flickr.com/photos/nexus_icon/1622353060
You may not know it, but by asking where to buy a deep fried Mars Bar, you're sort of implying you believe all Glaswegians subsist exclusively on a diet of deep fried food (and, by association, probably also all get into fights at football games and drink Irn Bru). If there’s anything that unites a city against you, it’s buying into its stereotypes. That’s not to say that stereotypes are always wrong - Irn Bru is delicious and lots of people drink it, but we don’t need to be asked about it all the time. And it’s actually much easier to find a chippy in Edinburgh that’ll do you a deep fried Mars Bar, but you were too busy looking at the pretty castle over there, weren’t you?
... live in the West End and speak for the whole of Glasgow
It's pretty common for people new to the city to visit and/or live in the West End. Don't get me wrong: the West End is fine. Situated around the University of Glasgow, the West End is well stocked with beautiful architecture, trendy bars and enough artisan coffee shops for all the hipsters in the UK (there's one that's literally called Artisan Roast, without even a hint of irony). However, it is not at all representative of Glasgow as a whole, nor is it the only place to go for fun. By all means visit and even live in the West End, but remember that Glasgow’s culture is so much richer (and Glasgow’s drinks are so much cheaper) in the eastern and southern parts of the city.
... move out of the West End
Photo: The Academy of Urbanism via Flickr flickr.com/photos/academyofurbanism/12170516786/
There seems to be a trend for newly graduated Glasgow Uni students to move to the Southside (a set of cheaper, slightly rougher and more 'untouched' neighbourhoods in Glasgow). It's all well and good for West Enders to leave their little bubble and get to know the 'real' city of Glasgow, but if you're a 20-something hipster who enjoys sipping gluten-free FairTrade Colombian coffee by day and slurping on £5 soy-milk White Russians by night, the West End is definitely the place for you. Please stay there, and stop pushing house prices up in other parts of the city. We actually love your bubble. Stay in the bubble.
... speak for Glaswegians as a Londoner
Walked into that one, didn’t I? While Glasgow is my home, it is not where I was born or where I grew up. In some ways this serves as a testament to the diversity and wide range of people who make up this glorious city, but for the purposes of this article, you might want to ask someone who's actually from Glasgow how they would and wouldn’t want you to act on a visit.
If, like I just did, you end up making one of these mistakes, don't panic - just make sure you DO...
... compare Glasgow to Edinburgh
Glasgow always wins. It always wins.