Mr. Beef

Skip the fries and skip the milkshakes—you’re not here for that stuff anyway. Just order the Italian beef sandwich, and get it as messy and spicy as you can (that is, ask for extra gravy and an extra spoonful of the crunchy giardiniera). The thin strips of beef are tender and flavorful enough as it is, but the sandwich doesn’t really sing until it’s got a little kick of spice. Alternatively, you could order the combo, which seasons your beef sandwich with a crackly skinned Italian sausage. But come on—you couldn’t possibly hate your body that much, could you?