Tickets for the Chicago run of the smash Broadway hit Hamilton go on sale Tuesday, June 21, and they will undoubtedly be the hottest ticket in town for the duration of the its run. If the show's New York ticket sales are any indication, we can expect box office tickets to sell out faster than Lin-Manuel Miranda can spit a rhyme, and tickets on the secondary market to reach astronomical prices.
Now, there are perfectly legitimate ways for you, the average theatergoer, to ensure that you get Hamilton tickets at face value. But there's no guarantee that it will happen. However, you shouldn't let that crush your hopes and dreams of seeing a live performance of one of the most popular shows in Broadway history. So instead, we'll go through some alternative—albeit totally shady—methods of scoring the hottest ticket in town.
Enlist an army of people to order them online: Remember the scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory where Veruca Salt, the bratty rich girl, had her dad hire a factory of workers whose sole job was to unwrap Wonka bars until they found a golden ticket? That's something you could totally do! It worked for her, did it not? Simply round up a crew of your friends to sit around on their phones, tablets and laptops the morning tickets go on sale to ensure at least one of them can get through the server to place an order. Your friends will definitely resent you for this, but so long as you have a ticket to Hamilton, who cares what they think?
Become the PrivateBank Theatre's Phantom of the Opera: The PrivateBank Theatre, which is hosting Hamilton during its Chicago run, will sell tickets from its box office. It is the only in-person location where you can buy Hamilton tickets. To avoid having to camp out for a place in line to get tickets, hide out in the theater and haunt it like the Phantom of the Opera. Leave creepy messages saying you won't leave unless they give you tickets for a show. Kidnap a box-office worker for good measure—just like the real Phantom of the Opera. Also, you're probably going to go to jail for this, so make sure you ask for tickets for a show after you finish serving your sentence.
Claim you are Alexander Camelton: It's a tried and true method of the rich and famous: When you can't readily get your way, simply ask the person denying you access "Do you know who I am?" Now, this will not work if you are an average person on the street. But if you call in saying you are Lincoln Park Zoo's newest celebrity, Alexander Camelton, the person on the other end of the line will almost certainly be blown away. Nobody wants to be known as the person who turned away Alexander Camelton at the door, so it's worth a shot.
Bribe a Chicago Public Schools student: There is currently a plan in place to have Hamilton tickets available to 20,000 CPS students for only $10. What better way to get your ticket than by finding a local youngster and bribing them for it? Nothing captures the essence of Chicago more than engaging in bribery. You probably won't even have to give them anything all that valuable in exchange for their ticket. At most, they'll probably just want a video game, which is way less than the price of a ticket. Just a warning though: You will absolutely, 1,000 percent look like a creep if you try to do this.
No matter how you try to get tickets, whether you're sacrificing a significant sum of money or a large part of your dignity, Chicago is about to learn that seeing Hamilton comes at a high price, no matter how you gain admission.
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