On Thursday, construction crews moved the body of the Michael Jordan statue from the east side of the United Center to an undisclosed location in order to prepare for upcoming construction planned around the stadium. The Bulls said they plan on relocating the statue to a temporary spot where the public can still gawk and take pictures of the statue. Here are some suggestions.
1) The casino Specifically, the $10,000-minimum poker table. Stories of Jordan's gambling are nearly as legendary as his play on the court, so what better way to memorialize that than by placing the statue on his other favorite gaming floor?
2) The golf course Now that we finally have nice weather, maybe statue Michael would like to spend some time outdoors around his second favorite sport. Place the statue at the first tee box to intimidate other golfers as they start their round, just as the real Michael would.
3) Patrick Ewing's nightmares Between that vicious dunk Jordan unleashed on him in the 1991 playoffs and the fashion in which the Bulls dominated the Knicks during the Jordan era, Patrick Ewing is probably traumatized from all those years of having to play in the same conference as Jordan and company. Let's continue that traumatization with sleepless nights for Ewing by pulling an Inception and placing the statue of a dunking Jordan to haunt his nightmares forever.
4) Michael's Highland Park mansion Last we checked, Jordan's Highland Park mansion is still for sale, more than 3 years after being placed on the market. Since no one seems to have any interest in purchasing the home, it only makes sense to stash Jordan's statue there.
5) Craig Ehlo's front yard Craig Ehlo is famous for trying to defend Jordan when he made "The Shot" in Game 5 of the 1989 Eastern Conference Playoffs and was often on the receiving end of a lot of Jordan's trash talk in their many years of playing against each other. What better capstone for all that talk than by putting a statue of a dunking Jordan for Ehlo to see and be taunted by every day when he wakes up?
6) The Bulls' playoff roster Splashing some of "Michael's Secret Stuff" from the movie Space Jam on the statue should make it come to life as the 1993 version of Michael Jordan. Then sit back and watch as the Bulls take the postseason by storm. Bring on the Monstars.