The Mets topped the Dodgers on Thursday night, which means the Cubs are heading to Queens on Saturday to play in their first National League Championship Series since 2003. Everyone knows deep down in their hearts that Chicago is way, way better than New York. On top of that, Cubs fans are downright superior to Mets fans. Our friends at Time Out New York might disagree with that sentiment, but when you really look into it, it's pretty clear that Cubs nation is a better lot than those degenerates who cheer for the Mets. Here's why.
Cubs fans are unflinchingly loyal: The Cubs have been terrible for the better part of a century, and their fans don't jump on the Yankee bandwagon whenever it's convenient. They've remained devoted to the North Siders through thick and thin. Wrigleyville, and the city overall, has been buzzing with excitement this October while Queens has been as boring as ever.
Our rally flag is on point: As if the Chicago flag isn't enough, the W flag has a better design than pretty much anything in New York. It's simple, recognizable and representative of what the Cubs are about to accomplish out east.
We know how to properly dress a goddamn hot dog: Forget the fact that New Yorkers are okay with putting ketchup on a frankfurter, they have no concept as to how to best consume meat sticks. Have fun munching on your bland, inferior hot dogs at Citi Field this weekend, Mets fans. We're sure they'll share a lot of traits with your team's performance.
Cubs nation rolls deep in road games: Fans donning Cubbie blue came out in full force during last week's games in St. Louis and at the wild-card game in Pittsburgh. Chicagoans are so devoted to our heroes that we'll travel across the country to watch them play. Do people who live in Queens ever even leave the borough?
Our celebrity fans are way cooler: The Mets fanbase includes Jon Stewart, Jerry Seinfeld, Julian Casablancas and other big names, but they all have their heads in the clouds. Cubs celebrity fans like Bill Murray, Eddie Vedder and John Cusack are down-to-earth and are just better people. Vedder even gave Jake Arrieta a guitar lesson after the Cubs won in Pittsburgh last Wednesday. Casablancas was likely straightening his hair when the Mets clinched their series agains the Dodgers.
Cubs fans can catch a foul ball while holding a baby: Do New Yorkers even take care of their children, or do they just pay someone to do that?
Nothing stops Cubs fans from watching the game: Chicagoans are ponying up thousands of dollars for playoff tickets, and those who can't afford to do so are packing pretty much every sports bar in the city. Even when the bathroom lines are ridiculously long at Wrigley Field, Cubs fans are crafty enough to pee in beer cups if it means they don't have to miss a pitch.
Chicagoans aren't afraid to cry over a baseball team: The team's recent success has brought grown men and women across the city to tears. When was the last time the Mets' cold, waspy fanbase even felt an emotion?
We drink Malört, which gives us character: Listen, everyone knows Malört tastes like the combination of Satan's armpit sweat and gasoline, but Chicagoans have been sucking down shots of the liqueur for decades. Just like our terrible winters (which Chicago handles way better than New York, by the way), the gross, iconic booze allows us to appreciate the good things in life.
Our battle cries are unmatched: Wrigley Field's rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" is the best in the country, and the "Go, Cubs, Go" victory song has a deep meaning in Chicago, as it's something that, until recently, fans haven't been able to sing very often. Also, Eddie Vedder's "All The Way" is a gorgeous ode to the North Siders. The Mets have a stupid song about meeting the team, which is misleading because a ticket to a game in Queens in no way guarantees fans access to the clubhouse.
We respect our legends, even the crazy ones: See below.
