Chicago is home to some wonderful hidden-away coffee shops. Some are laid-back and have a Delorean, and some have fancy artwork. With each shop comes not only a variety of style and beverages, but also a mix of coffee drinkers. Here are the 10 types you’re likely to encounter in coffee shops in Chicago.
The first-timers
This is the first time they’ve had a cup of coffee. They take a sip and say, “Oh, it’s really hot," “Ew, not my cup of java” or “What’s happening?” as they begin to sweat (and then sprint back to the counter for a refill). Black coffee will result in them never drinking a cup of joe again, whereas a sweet Frappuccino will hook them for life.
The addicts
These caffeine dependents have a cup every single day. Without it they can’t function and might fall asleep in line waiting to order. “I haven’t had my cup of coffee yet” is a common refrain for them when approached at work. Throughout the day, they have multiple cups and no cutoff time. Look for them at Starbucks below Second City around 11:30pm, espresso in hand, hair a mess.
The hot and cold crowd
Sure, some like it hot, and some like it cold. The cold fans love anything iced. They buy Starbucks Frappuccinos in bulk and drink the double shot energy drinks you may remember from all-nighters at the library. Alternatively, others prefer their coffee scalding. They regularly pour a fresh cup just to warm their hands.
The writer types
These people are in the coffee shop because they like being around people, but not that much. They’re working on a blog, short story, essay or novel and their resting face says, “Leave me the hell alone.”
The connoisseurs
These are the people who only drink the finest brews. They travel the globe in pursuit of the purest beans and avoid big franchises. They openly condemn McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts for poor quality and Starbucks for being overpriced. They don’t own a Keurig, but instead use a French press with grounds bought directly from Columbia. This drinker is like the Joker. “This city deserves a better class of coffee drinker, and I’m gonna give it to them.”
The decaffeinated posers
These are the ones who say they drink coffee but not really because it’s decaf. Would you smoke a fake cigarette? Don't answer that. They sit in coffee shops and try to be part of the community, but they just don’t have that "edge" like real coffee drinkers.
The too much information sippers
These will inform you that they not only drink coffee for the morning boost but also to help with the morning flush. They'll tell you it helps “clean out the pipes” and that it’s part of their morning bathroom routine.
The indecisive drinkers
They just can’t decide what to order while the barista waits, dying a slow death. They stare at the menu as if it's in another language. They’ll eventually settle for a caramel macchiato after they make an awful joke. “I’ll take a medium because I don’t want a latte!”
The non-coffee drinkers
These magical beings wake up on their own in the morning. They rarely frequent the coffee shop—there's no need. When they do stumble in they order earl grey tea with a warm bagel. While coworkers are dragging ass in the kitchen on Monday morning and double-fisting two mugs, these people dance in and declare, “I woke up at 5am for a 10-mile run this morning."
The creamer types
These folks aren’t actually drinking cups of coffee, but cups of creamer. They pour a drip of coffee into the cup and then fill it to the brim with sweet hazelnut or peppermint mocha creamer. People around the office always tease, “Would you like some coffee with your cream?” and everyone laughs maniacally. The cream person then hides under their desk for the duration of the day.