Chicagoans don't discriminate when it comes to booze: We love guzzling craft beer, fancy cocktails, margaritas by the pitcher and interesting wines. No matter what neighborhood you find yourself in, there's sure to be a bartender waiting to fix you a drink. Consider this your exhaustive guide to Chicago's always-evolving bar scene.
Chicago bartenders have seen it all. They play psychologist when you’re in need. They’re game to con your out-of-towner friends into shooting Malört at a dive bar. They’ll even help you call a car when you’ve had too many fancy cocktails. But there’s a lot they wish you knew. We asked bar vets to give us a speedy education on how to become a better patron.
1. Hands off.
“When placing an order or trying to get a bartender’s attention, you shouldn’t have to touch them—no hands on the waist, arm around the shoulders or hand on the middle of the back. It’s inappropriate.” —Julieta Campos, bar manager at the Whistler
2. Get off your phone.
“Science has proven that bars are at least 240 percent more fun if one ignores the phone.” —Matty Eggleston, bartender and co-owner of Spilt Milk Tavern
3. Use your manners.
“Don’t shout, don’t wave your hand or money at me and, above all else, say please and thank you. It goes a long way.” —Danielle Lewis, beverage director at GT Fish & Oyster and GT Prime
4. Get your paws off my cherries.
“The fruit-garnish bowls are not an all-you-can-eat buffet to cure scurvy or help your vitamin C deficiency. Please ask your friendly bartender with the clean hands for some extra fruit.” —Jonathan Kahn, bartender at the J. Parker
5. Tell me something weird.
“I can learn a lot more about what to pour for guests if they tell me something arbitrary like ‘I can’t stand wintergreen gum’ or ‘Pineapples are my favorite fruit.’ If you can imagine a type of flavor, there’s a mescal out there in which it plays a part.” —Jay Schroeder, beverage director at Quiote
6. Get out of your comfort zone.
“Why would one venture into a bar like the Violet Hour and order a vodka soda? A huge part of our job is educating the public about what we do, why and, sometimes, how.” —Levi Tyma, master tender at the Violet Hour
7. Don’t walk off with our stuff.
“I know that if you were caught stealing shit or breaking something at a friend's house, you would be kicked out. So I follow that same mentality for my bars.” —Dustin Drankiewicz, owner of the Pink Squirrel
8. We probably like different things.
“Don't ask us what our favorite thing to drink is because we aren't the ones drinking it. Talk to us about what you’re looking for because I’m willing to bet you don’t like shots of overproof whiskey as much as I do.” —Whitney Morrow, head bartender at Bordel
9. Bartending is a legit job.
“It isn’t a side job nor is it a gig until I 'find something better.' Bartending is our career and we love it—assuming otherwise is just plain silly.” —Brian Daigle, beverage director at The Kennison
10. Stop asking for freebies.
“There are millions of people in this city; people have birthdays every weekend. I can't give them all free drinks.” —Milos Stevanovic, lead bartender at Commons Club
11. Pop a squat... where it's clean.
“When guests are looking for a spot to sit at the bar, they'll walk past numerous cleared seats and go directly to the one space that's still dirty from the people who left just before them. I want people to know that it’s okay to be trailblazers.” —Angela Hindley, bar manager at Publican Anker
12. I don't care if you know the owner.
“We are still going to give you the same service as everyone else because you're not the only one who knows the owner. It's funny how many people will expect free drinks from simply saying that.” —Eric Simmons, bar manager at Celeste and Disco
13. There’s no such thing as a girly drink.
“Drinks are genderless, and what you drink doesn’t define you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my Baileys and lime juice on the rocks.” —Charlie Schott, beverage director at Parson’s Chicken & Fish
