There are a ton of jokes about San Francisco’s cold weather, but no one can deny that even on a brisk day, Baker Beach is pretty damn perfect. Nestled just south of the Golden Gate Bridge, the sandy stretch is warmer, prettier and less creepy than the massive Ocean Beach in the Richmond and Sunset Districts. We go there all the time, and you should, too. Just be prepared to encounter the following cast of characters.
Naked old man The rumors are true. At the north end of Baker Beach, there is a designated nude area. But that hasn’t stopped this naked, middle-aged San Franciscan from breaching the invisible line and strolling the beach in its entirety. As the rules apparently state, the nudist bounding into your sightline will be neither attractive nor physically impressive.
Engagement couple Baker Beach’s view of the Golden Gate Bridge is so picturesque it frequently represents San Francisco in postcards, television ads, and every single local couple’s official engagement photos. Any Baker Beach visitors should do their best to stay out of the frame of the classic kissing shot, the arms-around-the-waist prom pose or the mid-air jump while holding hands. There is no way you will ever go to Baker Beach and not see the making of a Save-the-Date notice. (Fun fact: Just last week, we spotted a girl posing mid-beach for her Quinceañera photos.)
420 kids Dude, it’s a beach in San Francisco. You’ve got to be prepared for a waft of weed, and a handful of teens getting high. You’ll find these sweatshirted stoners back toward the bluffs, keeping to themselves and their boom box of awful music while passing the pipe at this admittedly impressive venue choice for recreational drug use.
Freezing teens in bikinis Ladies, we get it. You are young, beautiful and in California. But this is Northern California (translation: all fog and no palm trees). On truly hot San Francisco days, Baker Beach is packed. On a 50-degree Tuesday, it will inevitably host a dozen or so uninformed gals covered in goose bumps.
CrossFit Crew High five-giving and screaming encouragement along the way, boot camps and CrossFit folks use Baker Beach to get in shape in the world’s most obnoxious way. While the rest of us are meditating to the sound of peaceful waves or Instagramming beach selfies, these cardio buffs are weight-lifting driftwood and wearing matching workout ensembles. They are also very loud and very happy. They are the worst.