34 things you’ll never hear a San Franciscan say

1. I feel underdressed.

2. They had organic, but I bought this kind for 30 cents less.

3. I’m not really an “outdoorsy” person.

4. The Panda is better off in Boston.

5. So true! Oakland really is like a little Brooklyn.


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6. You have to wait in line for 30 minutes and eat it standing up, but the toast is totally worth it.

7. You should be warm enough in a T-shirt.

8. I moved here to settle down and raise a family.

9. Cigarettes are fine, but please, no weed in the house.


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10. They won’t mind if you block the driveway a little bit.

11. What ever happened to Willie Brown?

12. Let’s hail a cab.

13. I’m sure I’ll meet somebody the old-fashioned way.


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14. Ooh, is that pour-over coffee? The Tenderloin really is the new SoMa.

15. ’Frisco.

16. Meet me at Ocean Beach—bring your bathing suit.

17. I’m craving Tex Mex.

18. Everybody R.S.V.P.’d weeks ago. I’m sure they won’t flake.


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19. I’m jumping on a cable car now. I’ll be there in 20 minutes.

20. Berkeley Bowl is overrated.

21. I’ll have a scoop of plain vanilla.

22. Let me just change out of my yoga pants first.

23. I just feel better—like, more energized and alert—when I eat gluten.


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24. That parade was too gay.

25. Hey, pull over. There’s a Google bus coming through.

26. Bay to Breakers is way better ever since they cracked down on booze, nudity, floats and costumes.

27. Can you double-bag it in plastic?

28. That wine fest was totally worth the $50 admission.


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29. Hold the avocado.

30. The Blue Bottle line was pretty long, so I went to Starbucks instead.

31. I got a great deal at Bi-Rite.

32. These locally made ceramics seem overpriced.


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33. Let’s steer our bikes closer to the curb so these cars can pass.

34. I could afford to live alone, but I like the camaraderie of having five roommates.