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There are many things our beloved local restaurants are doing right, but there are also some infractions that need a fix-it ticket, pronto. Let’s review.
1. Orange plastic tea lights.
What is it about that unnatural orange glow that belongs at the table? Exactly, it doesn’t.
2. Ingredients plated on the far side of the plate.
This lopsided action is getting ridiculous. What’s wrong with plating at the center? Does everything have to be on one side? No, it doesn’t. And it doesn’t make it more artistic or visually interesting. Find your center.
3. Okay, more plating kvetching.
If you’re making a smear on the plate, chefs, please pause for a second and make sure it isn’t brown, or orange-brown, or anything that is going to make us think for even a second that we have a skid mark on our plate. LOOK AT YOUR DISH. DOES ANYTHING LOOK LIKE BABY POO, EVEN A LITTLE BIT? YES? THEN DON’T SERVE THAT SHIT.
4. Crappy sushi places.
It’s unbelievable how they keep breeding, like farmed salmon. Many of us are out here trying to eat sustainable sushi and attempt to show the ocean a little bit of respect and then yet another crap sushi place comes along and serves enough shitty sushi in one night to wipe away a year’s worth of one’s efforts to eat sustainably. Don’t patronize these cheap places, people, it’s like fast-food devil sushi.
5. Speaking of the devil, can we talk about deviled eggs?
Yes, they’re delicious. Yes, they lend themselves to fun toppings, like roe or bacon. But do they have to be on every menu? Is this really the best we can do?
6. Bone broth.
Ugh, gross. Why can’t it just be beef broth? Stock? Ponder.
7. This has become such a pet peeve: servers and bussers who say, “You still working on that?”
What am I, a hyena gnawing off the last shreds on a wildebeest thighbone? That question needs to be banished from restaurant lexicon. Be the change.
