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Can you feel that sweltering heat? Is your sweat stache growing at a rapid pace? Is your motivation to do pretty much anything—beside sit in front of your air conditioner with a massive tub of ice cream—depleting? Welcome to Sweat Fest 2016! We're so glad you made it.
Yeah, if you look out the window right now, you might think today is just another glorious summer day. WRONG. The second you step outside, the nearly-suffocating humidity will punch you in the face, and everything will become progressively worse until you reach your next destination. (We hope, for your sake, it has AC).
But you don't have to go through this torment alone. We're right there with you. Doesn't it suck to daydream about hosing yourself down after work, especially when you already showered—twice—today? So, in the spirit of keeping things light and airy on a day when there is absolutely NO BREEZE, we compiled a short but real list of reasons why this awful humidity is just making everything worse.
It's impossible to hide your sweat stains.
We reckon you're really regretting wearing gray today, huh? And if your office requires you to sport a suit or dress shirt, you might be totally rethinking your profession right now.
The humidity causes unwanted house guests.
This weather has the power to make the hardwood floors in your apartment a damp, inviting nesting ground for carpenter ants. BIG FUN.
You're wasting money on cab rides.
Most subway cars are soothing freeze pods, but the platform is an OVEN. (Lord help you if your train is delayed). This means you'll be spending your hard-earned cash on taxi rides in order to avoid looking like a hot mess.
People will assume you got a haircut.
If it looks like any of your colleagues or friends got a haircut today, don't mention it. For some of us, that's just what our hair looks like after it absorbs the humidity, becomes fluffy and goes all horizontal.
RIP to your thighs.
What's the one thing that could f*ck up anyone's day? CHAFING.