Q I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over six months. Our sex life is so-so. It could be a lot better if he would put in a little more effort. One very basic problem is that he won’t shave for me. I’m not even talking about his pubic hair, leg hair, underarms or anything. I’m talking about his face. Kissing him with stubble irritates my chin and lips. It’s more abrasive than pleasurable when he kisses my neck or shoulders. And oral sex is downright painful, so I don’t want to do it. I go home with raw, red, sore and irritated skin. He says that he has sensitive skin and that he can’t shave every day because he gets soreness and red bumps. I have suggested that he try waiting to shave until the day we are going to see each other, but he tells me that he can’t shave unless he is in the shower, because the hot water opens up his pores and it’s easier and less irritating for him. How can I get it across to him that his excuses make me feel (a) physical pain and (b) emotional pain because it seems like he isn’t willing to endure some minor skin discomfort to maximize my physical pleasure. Part of me also wonders if he just doesn’t care about me enough to want to put in the effort. How do I address this to him?

A This response calls for my specially formulated taunting voice (patent pending): Ohhhhh, his precious little pores need to open up so the big girl can shave without irritating his ever-so-fragile lady skin. Maybe he should start buying silk panties, too, so his labia don’t get chafed. (Unfortunately, my taunting voice is supermisogynistic, so I think that’s about as much as I can get away with.) This guy is such a self-centered prick, I almost don’t want to come up with a way to solve this problem, because then you’ll just stay with him. But since this shaving absurdity is all I know about him, I’m going to try to imagine that he’s a terrific fellow in every other way. Frankly, you’ve already figured out the most rational, meet-me-halfway approach to this problem with the “shave the day of our sexy times” idea. Obviously, he wasn’t concerned enough about your discomfort to give that solution a whirl, so we’ll need to drive the point home much harder. That’s why I’m going to suggest that you go to your local hardware store and purchase a swatch of sandpaper. (Note: I purposely used the term swatch there to give hard-core handyman types an opening to use their taunting voice on me. I suggest something along the lines of: Oooh, the wood on my jewelry box is all ragged, maybe I should put on my sexpert bra and go get a swatch of sandpaper.) Next time he’s naked and lying in bed, go get the sandpaper, place it right above his balls and say, “Would you like to know what it feels like to have stubble scraping against such a sensitive area?” Hopefully, simply having sandpaper so close to his nut sack will provide the “scared straight” moment we’re looking for here, and no actual nut-sack shredding will have to be done. If he doesn’t get the message, then he’s an even bigger prick than I suspected, and I really don’t see why you want to keep going out with someone who gives so little thought to your pleasure and happiness.

Q When I started out masturbating, I could get off—like most other women—with my own imagination. Then I started needing pictures, or soft-core TV porn. But the porn has gotten increasingly more hard-core, and that old stuff doesn’t work anymore. What’s going to happen when I reach the most disgusting level and can’t get off anymore? How do I go back to just needing my imagination, or even a little Skinemax?

A It’s interesting that you think of porn in terms of varying levels of disgustingness. That tells me that it’s not so much the action onscreen that’s making it easier for you to masturbate, it’s the thrill of doing something you really don’t think you should be doing. So if you want to cut out the porn watching, you have to figure out how to spice up your masturbation regimen in ways that give you the same sense of adventurousness, taboo and derring-do. I’d hightail it to a sex shop and scour the aisles for all the toys and sex accessories that you’ve occasionally thought about using but never have. Dildos, vibrators, clamps, what have you. Just fill up a basket with anything that even slightly gets your juices going. If that doesn’t do the trick, I wouldn’t worry so much about your porn consumption. As long as it involves humans of a proper age, and it doesn’t distract you from more important duties in your life, there are far worse things in this world than jacking off to porn.

Q I’ve recently met a girl and we’ve casually started dating. On the third date, we ended up back at my place and had sex. The sex was good—no question about it. However, for the first time that I can recall in my life (might be a couple drunk hookups that are a little hazy), during foreplay, I was fingering her and started questioning if I really wanted to be with this girl. No, I wasn’t questioning my sexuality. What I was shocked at was that I could fit almost my entire hand inside her. And I have pretty big hands—I’m 6'4". I guess the question is, aside from recently having a child or regularly using a monster dildo, can I assume this girl gets more cock than a Holland Tunnel hooker, or are some girls just built wider down there? (This girl is average size.) I have nothing against the sexually active. I just would rather not be with someone who has hooked (or hooks) up with every Dick.

A This is a classic deep-in-denial double standard. First of all, yes, some women are built wider down there. Second of all, you’re not kidding me with that “I have nothing against the sexually active” line. What you meant to say was, “I don’t have anything against guys being sexually active, but women are a different story.” Having a lot of sex does not make a vagina looser—perhaps (and I’m annoyed I have to pay you a compliment here) she was so turned on by you that her vaginal muscles were even more relaxed than they usually are during sex, or maybe she was just born wider. Either way, the idea that there’s a number in your head regarding how often one of your girlfriends should have had sex prior to meeting you is even more sexist than my taunting voice. What if a dude’s dick got smaller every time he had sex? Would you like to be dismissed by some woman who decided your nub of a cock made you too skanky to be with? Women are just as sexual as guys are, and have every right to have as much sex as they deem fit, so deal with it.

Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to sex@timeoutny.com. Find more “Get Naked” online at timeoutnewyork.com, or check out “Sex on the Street” with Jamie Bufalino at timeoutnewyork.com/video.