1 Start at HK (523 Ninth Ave at 39th St, 212-947-4208) with the gayest of all meals—brunch. The restaurant’s adjoining bar hosts several parties throughout the week—on a recent visit, TONY spotted queer scenester Andre J.—and the waiters look like underwear models (clothed, disappointingly). Suck down “bottomless” Bloody Marys while you ogle them.

2 If you’re sashaying on a weekend, pop over to The Annex/Hell’s Kitchen Flea Market (W 39th St between Ninth and Tenth Aves, 212-243-5343). How chic would those antique printing-press letters or creepy old dolls look on your mantel?

3 Feeling bloaty from brunch? Power walk your way down Ninth to 23rd Street, and don’t miss London Terrace (23rd and 24th Sts between Eighth and Ninth Aves, 212-243-7000). The behemoth apartment complex, built in 1930, is a status address: If you’re a homo who’s been in the city for any length of time, chances are you’ve slept with someone here.

4 If Hell’s Kitchen is your discreet gay uncle, Chelsea’s Eighth Avenue is your screamin’-queen cousin. Should the porny ads for dating services on every phone booth leave you feeling frisky, swing into The Blue Store (206 Eighth Ave between 20th and 21st Sts, 212-924-8315), a shop boasting miles of all-male flicks and sex toys in every size, shape and level of realism. The joint was briefly shut down in a prostitution sting in 2005, but we saw no signs of hooking here.

5 If you’re in the market for some “classier” gifts (homo-themed cards, mugs, etc.), try Rainbows and Triangles (192 Eighth Ave between 19th and 20th Sts, 212-627-2166), which also sells jockstraps and Obama undies.

6 We love Chelsea, but it can feel a little superficial. Make your next stop the all-inclusive Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center (208 W 13th St between Seventh and Eighth Aves, 212-620-7310). This week’s offerings include bingo (Fri 22 at 7pm) and a screenwriting workshop (Sat 23 at noon). Or just go and see what happens: We were encouraged to join both a gay wrestling league and a bisexual group within minutes of walking throughthe door.

7 Queens obsessed with the Queen can trek to Britcentric Tea and Sympathy (110 Greenwich Ave between W 12th and W 13th Sts, 212-989-9735) and stock up on delicate teapots and delicious English chocolate. Don’t forget to giggle at the cans of spotted dick behind the counter. The staff loves when you do that.

8 Next, make your way to the heart of old gay New York: Christopher Street. Oscar Wilde Bookshop (15 Christopher St between Greenwich Ave and Waverly Pl, 212-255-8097) is the oldest gay bookstore in the world; here, photo books filled with naked men sit alongside movie-star memoirs and fiction anthologies.

9 It used to be that Christopher Street was a place you’d never bring your parents. These days, only a handful of fetish shops remain. Our favorite is The Leather Man (111 Christopher St between Bleecker and Hudson Sts, 212-243-5339), which has a staff so friendly, you won’t think twice of inquiring about that sex swing.

10 Wander toward the horizon and make a pit stop at the Dugout (185 Christopher St at Weehawken St, 212-242-9113). This cavernous dive has a popular Sunday Beer Blast that draws manly men from all over the city. Hoist a plastic cup of American lager and bump beer bellies with your neighbor.

11 You’ve earned a rest, and resting spots don’t come more lovely than the Hudson River Park piers, once a notorious cruising scene and home of the “pier queens.” Our visit netted three dancers shaking it to boom-box disco. Serendipitously, a brief sprinkle of rain gave way to a beautiful rainbow above the park. A perfect end to a very gay day.

JOIN US ON SUNDAY 24! Ready to walk the walk? Meet TONY’s Homolicious Task Force at the corner of Ninth Avenue and 39th Street at noon on Sun 24. Smack-talkin’ songstress Wendy Ho (wendytheho.com) will greet walkers along the way. Space is limited; RSVP to ownthiscity@timeoutny.com to lock in your spot. (P.S. We ain’t payin’ for your brunch or anal beads.)