Photograph: Jay Muhlin

Hmm. I’m gonna guess thespian or Matrix fan.
[Laughs] Neither. I don’t usually wear all black—it’s just laundry time.

I see. I don’t meet many Oscars.
I got a lot of shit for it as a kid.

Why?
I had this whole Steve Urkel thing going on, so any chance they had to stick it to me they ran with.

Aw. Pants up to the nipples?
Right below the rib cage. And I had the Medicaid shades—you know, those big fuckin’ glasses.

When did you give that up?
In ’95. A friend was starting a band and wanted someone to play manager. They told me to grow my hair out and get dreads so I’d look cooler.

So you’re a band manager?
No, I’m kind of a jack-of-all-trades. Right now I’m doing Web creative development; I also edit manuscripts and do copywriting. And a couple summers ago, I picked up a tarot deck to see if I could scam girls. It totally worked! I felt bad.

How do you get the Web and editing work? Do you sell yourself as experienced?
Yeah, that’s kinda the scam. At first I didn’t know how to edit a manuscript or make a website. I have a bunch of blank business cards, and whenever I need to run a new job description I just go to the printer and drop off, like, 50 cards.

Scandalous! Are you a con artist?
Sorta, but if you can get a job done to someone else’s satisfaction and they recommend you…

That’s legit.
I wish I could strip. But they closed Chippendales and I don’t wanna get raped by a bunch of horny bachelorette girls.

More thoughts from Oscar

"How's an artist supposed to find their way when they have to pay $2,000 for a studio? They should take, like, 10,000 shipping containers and build them into low-cost student and artist housing."

"I've been associate producer of M.E.A.N.Y Fest since 2005. It stands for Musicians and Emerging Artists New York. So far we've got 220 bands signed up for this October. The owner doesn't like to call it a battle of the bands because she's all about holding hands and being friends. I don't know why."

"I wish I could spend an hour with 100 of the most interesting people in New York. Not all at the same time, because that would be fucking annoying. I don't know who they'd be, exactly- I think people I'd most want to met are not all on Entertainment Tonight."

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