The essential rites of passage every Miamian faces

What exactly is a Miami rite of passage? They are the things—both big and small—that we must endure in order to call this city home. You probably underwent a couple on your way to work this morning. You might be powering through one right now. We face them each time we set out for one of the best Miami beaches or decide to spend the night dancing away at one of the best South Beach clubs. They can be good. They are often bad. But if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, than these 305 rites of passage can only make us more Miami. So, how Miami are you? Fill out the checklist and then do the most Miami thing possible—brag about the results on social media.

1. Refused to let a car merge because it was nicer than yours.
2. Completely lost your mind when ESPN hosts say they’re in sunny South Beach during every Miami Heat home game.
3. Completely forgot about the Miami Marlins until opening day.
4. Completely forgot about the Florida Panthers until you read this sentence.
5. Had to pay a scary-looking tow guy $100 cash to drop your car.
6. Had a panic attack when your dumb friend convinced you to head into the center of the crowd at Ultra Music Festival’s main stage.
7. Meditated with endless gratitude for Uber and Lyft and their air-conditioned cars.
8. Got lost in downtown Miami, even though you work there.
9. Stared longingly at cute winter clothes in the store knowing Miami weather will never let you wear them.
10. Learned to pronounce “Versailles” the Cuban way.
11. You’ve never loved someone more than you love the person in your office who hands out cafecito at 3pm.
12. Spent most of your day in agony on SR 826.
13. Been kicked out of the Standard after trying to sneak into the pool.
14. Showed up to important meetings drenched in sweat because summer.
15. Gone from brunch to day-drinking to the club and realized you’d been drinking for ten hours and how are you even still alive?
16. Had a financial panic attack while apartment shopping.
17. Your biggest goal in life is to find a friend with a boat.
18. Waited in the bathroom line next to an Instagram celebrity at LIV.
19. Worked parking tickets into your monthly budget.
20. Blown a whole damn paycheck at Joe’s on the first day of stone crab season.
21. Haven’t been to the beach in months.
22. Waited way too long for a Knaus Berry Farm cinnamon rolls.
23. Have learned to live with the crushing disappointment that is the Dolphins.
24. Two-thirds of your Facebook friends have taken their profile pictures at the Wynwood Walls.
25. Have eaten food from every South American country without getting on a plane once.
26. Convinced yourself a cafecito addiction is healthy.
27. Walked into Bal Harbour Shops, checked one price tag and walked back to your car and wept.
28. Been caught in a downpour in the middle of a perfectly sunny day.
29. Have post-Dadeland-Mall traumatic stress disorder.
30. Can’t remember the last time you went a week without pork.
31. Unironically love Pitbull and everything he stands for.
32. Wholeheartedly fell in love with the 305.