Edinburgh had its turn in August: in September the UK comedy world revolves around Greenwich.
Across five nights and weekend afternoons in September, top-tier comedians will descend on the National Maritime Museum for London’s largest and longest-running comedy festival. Take your pick from stellar line-ups fronted by a sucession of proper comedy A-listers. Television faves Frankie Boyle and Sara Pascoe are probably the biggest names here, but you can’t swing a cat without hitting a famous comedian – they’ll be joined by the likes of Tim Key, Fern Brady, Bridget Christie, Nish Kumar, Phil Wang and Bridget Christie. Inevitably several of the shows are sold out, but really you can’t go wrong whatever you choose.
The setting is pretty spectacular, too – performances take place in an outdoor stage with the Royal Naval College as the backdrop. Get there early to take advantage of the food stalls, bars and breezy end-of-summer vibes.
‘Time Out’s Comedy editor Ben Williams asked me to write a poem that people could personalise for themselves, which I – as a poet – thought was an affront. I did it, though. I don’t think people will really enjoy it or think it’s that personal, and because of my struggles to personalise it, I feel the rhythm is a bit screwed. Add in the fact that Time Out has a big readership, and this is a disaster.’ Tim Key, 2014
Chris/Anne/Luther/Candice/a flamingo/someone else/I/Warren/your own name/Liz decided to gather some onions.
He/she/it/was fed up with his/her/its damn boss/pupils/workload/long thin legs/wife/situation.
She/it/I/the flamingo took a cab down to the fields and put on their onion gloves.
In front of Chris/Anne/this person/the flamingo/whoever/Annabel there was a gigantic field that rolled away between the hills and down towards the pea-green lake approximately 1.5 miles away.
Chris/Louise/Max/a Swedish guy/Sandra/a different flamingo/Keith/no one/you/me/it doesn’t matter/Diane waded into the onions.
It was raining.
The person/bird filled their bucket and the water soaked their jumper/feathers through.
Sodden and shivering, the flamingos/Chris and Anne/you/insert your name/Paul Scholes/Chris stood by their/his/its onion bucket and attempted to hail cabs.
They would not stop, though. All of the cabs drove right past you/_______ .
