Moving to any new city always requires an adjustment period. Coming from London to Glasgow four years ago, I had to learn that ‘long’ only means ‘annoying’ in London, and that in Glasgow I was just confusing people by describing a situation as an unspecific measurement. Since then, I’ve managed to get to grips with some Glaswegian slang. Here’s a little guide if you have just moved to the city to help you avoid the blunders I inevitably fell into:
Jessie
What you think it means: I may have mentioned this before, and I’m definitely repeating it for it’s humorous value, not out of any kind of bitterness... But Jessie is my name, so Jessie, before I moved to Glasgow, just meant me.
What it actually means: Turns out, Jessie means ‘wuss’ or ‘scaredy cat.’
How it’s used: ‘Don’t be such a Jessie!’
Pure
What you think it means: The opposite of impure?
What it actually means: ‘Really,’ or ‘a lot.’
How it’s used: ‘You’re called Jessie? Hilarious. That’s pure brilliant!’ (Again, not bitter)
Jobby
What you think it means: A child’s way of saying job?
What it actually means: ‘Poo.’
How it’s used: ‘Ye cannae polish a jobby.’
Numpty
What you think it means: I think this is quite obvious, I’d just never heard anyone actually say it in a sentence before.
What it actually means: It’s a slightly endearing way to call someone an ‘idiot.’
How it’s used: My friend used it to describe people who go to the Glasgow School of Art as ‘pure numpties with their berets and chinos’.
Greet
What you think it means: To say hello to someone.
What it actually means: ‘To cry.’
How it’s used: ‘I called her a numpty and she started greetin!’.
Stauner
What you think it means: I really had no clue what this meant when it was first said to me. Which made for an awkward explanation...
What it actually means: ‘Erection.’
How it’s used: ‘Look! He’s got a stauner!’
Gub/Gubbin
What you think it means: To me this sounded like a horrible cross between grub and gob, which made me think about a ball of snot in my mouth.
What it actually means: To be honest, I wasn’t that far off. ‘To gub’ is to take MDMA, or to ‘take a beating’, especially concerning sports.
How it’s used: ‘Are you gubbin tonight? I need a high after Celtic got gubbed yesterday.’
Jakey
What you think it means: Something you’d call your friend Jake to annoy him?
What it actually means: This isn’t a very nice one – ‘jakey’ is a derogatory term for an alcoholic, not a million miles away from calling heroin addicts 'junkies'.
How it’s used: ‘He looks like a jakey.’
Pish/Pished
What you think it means: I mean, it sounds like what it is, it’s just more fun to say in Glasgow.
What it actually means: Either ‘to piss’ or ‘to be pissed’, or used as a substitute for ‘absolute bullshit’.
How it’s used: ‘Last night I was so pished, I went for a pish on the street!’ ‘No you didn’t, stop talkin’ pish!’
Steamin’
What you think it means: The thing that you do to vegetables?
What it actually means: ‘Pure pished.’
How it’s used: ‘Man, I was steamin’ last night.’
Bawbag
What you think it means: I don’t know if Hurricane Bawbag of 2011 was big anywhere else in the UK, but that was when I learnt the word bawbag.
What it actually means: Well, literally a ‘ball bag’/‘ball sack’ but really an ‘idiot’/annoying person.
How it’s used: ‘He’s such a bawbag.’
Dinghy
What you think it means: This is probably the best piece of slang that I’ve learnt so far. Everyone knows what a dinghy is (though I did not know it’s spelt with an ‘h’ until writing this), but in Glasgow...
What it actually means: To be ‘dinghied’ is to be ‘stood up’/excluded by your friends. Generally just to be left out of something.
How it’s used: ‘I tried phonin’ Jimmy but he just pure dinghied us,’ or, even better: ‘Would you like a paddle with that dinghy?’