The Spy Next Door

What’s the best way to deal with a nauseatingly cute trio of Hollywood pre-teens? Deploy them as weapons. Jackie Chan should get some applause for his appropriation of child actors in ‘The Spy Next Door’ (watch the kid fly!). Actually his goofy, slapstick stunts – devised with his personal team – are perfect for children and pretty good fun. As for the rest, this is a lazy spin on the action-veteran-left-holding-the-baby wheeze (‘Kindergarten Cop’, ‘The Pacifier’). Chan is the nerdy guy next door, who is dating the little horrors’ mother. But really he’s a Chinese agent on loan to the CIA. There’s also a Russian oligarch on his tail, with a dastardly plan to destroy the world’s oil reserves, assisted by a clutch of henchmen and the requisite foxy villainess. It comes with the usual kids’ stuff: wedgies for the boys, adorably skittish pets for the girls. Even the outtakes barely raise a smile. The best of them sees Chan fluffing his lines: ‘I hate English,’ he mumbles. Who can blame him when it’s as grindingly predictable as this?