Driving Aphrodite

The original title of this greasy, overcooked kebab of a film was ‘My Life in Ruins’, which gives a better idea of what you’re in for. Beneath ancient Greece’s breathtaking architecture, miseryguts tour guide Georgia (Nia Vardalos) ushers her moronic charges from clapped-out bus to substandard hotel. She drones on about history – proof, naturally, that she’s not getting laid – while her charges demonstrate that racism in Hollywood didn’t leave with the mammies and Injuns. The Aussies are Foster-quaffing imbeciles, the Americans are argumentative ignoramuses and the English uptight fools. Then there’s Richard Dreyfuss as a cute, wise old guy and Alexis Georgoulis as a hirsute Greek driver called Poupi Kakas. Vardalos has lost a lot of weight since her hit film ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’, but she’s still an unconventional beauty. She didn’t write this tosh, but it’s a pity she agreed to star in it rather than coming up with a strong story of her own. Hollywood doesn’t know what to do with difference, any more than it does with ruins. It’s about time Vardalos, or someone, gave the suits a guided tour.