Nothing says America quite like the umpteen flavors of candy and sweets we roll out with each season. Fall means pumpkin spice everything. December puts peppermint all up in your business. And just over the horizon is Easter, which has basically turned into pastel Halloween. Thankfully, the flavors remain pretty mundane, though they are starting to make edible fake grass for your Easter basket. Well, technically edible. We picked up the strangest-looking stuff and foolishly put it into our mouths.
RECOMMENDED: Easter events and brunches
Zach Long It's all loose.
Clayton Guse It’s all tangled.
Erin Delahanty "Here kids, have candy that everyone has touched!"
Jessica Johnson I don't taste green apple. It’s like pesto spaghetti.
Brent DiCrescenzo It oddly kind of tastes like pasta. Well, like paste-a.
Brittany Townsley This tastes like medicine.
ED Birthday Cake just tastes like butter inside of chocolate.
ZL That’s what the Wedding Cake tastes like, too. It’s gooey. That’s disconcerting. Ugh. That’s awful. Sweet butter in shitty white chocolate.
JJ There’s a weird aftertaste.
ZL They’re all gritty in an unpleasant way.
JJ I can’t rid my mouth of the flavor of them.
BD Okay, fine, I’ll say it. This is straight up jizz.
ED This brown gooey stuff is gross. This dirt is just Oreo, which is fine.
BD It tastes like warm pudding. I don’t know that i’d consider that “lunch.”
ED Who gives this to their children?!
CG These do not taste good. The Swedish Fish flavors are better.
JJ They taste like chemicals.
BD The corn-shaped lemon one tastes like floor cleaner.
ZL It tastes like corn syrup. Finally, a candy that tastes accurate to its shape.
JJ This is not edible! It is a lie!
CG What is this?! What’s in this?
ZL "Potato starch, corn starch…" No sugar, just starch.
BD This is insulation.
Martha Williams It's a thicker version of the paper wrappers.
BT The green apple at least tastes like green apple.
BD I like that it’s not sweet.
ED I think that’s the selling point of most candy, though.
BD A Nilla Wafer.
ZL A nice sandy consistency.
CG They’re not cheese.
JJ I don’t understand why Goldfish got away from the cheese thing.
BD Taste likes grape. I thought Tic Tacs were sugar free?
ZL Well, when it’s Easter time, you’ve got to pump the sugar in.
BT The purple tastes like Dimetapp.
JJ Dimetapp is good though.
BD So these are sizzurp flavored. Awesome.
JJ Yep, it's an Oreo.
CG A regular oreo, but yellow.
ZL This one totally looks like Mike Ditka.
BD I don’t remember the cookie being this unchocolatey.
MW Pink is exactly the same flavor.
BD Yellow tastes like pina colada mix. It's a big upgrade over the normal yellow, which is the worst.
CG Yellow is the best! This is too much pineapple.
ED Orange is always the worst.
MW No, original red is the worst.
SL Pineapple is my favorite flavor here.
Robert Ruthart So this is what a fresh Swedish Fish is supposed to taste like!
BD Mine has fish and eggs.
ZL You got a spawn pack.
ED These are softer than Swedish Fish usually are.
BD They’re like Dots, basically. You can taste different fruits.
JJ But softer.
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